Inattention sponge

Fri, 15 May 2026 00:00:00 +0000

my latest self realized regret is how i’ve succumb to distractions becoming a habit of my inattention. that may sound like a fluffed way of saying i don’t like getting distracted, but i specifically am saying i don’t enjoy the conditioning that comes with it.

unflowed state of mind

often times when focusing on a task i will zoom out for a second just to think. when my phone is nearby, this becomes an almost instinct like motion of reaching for it and checking something. stopping for a moment to collect your thoughts is all fine and well, but to get immediately sidetracked is a big bad.

anyone familiar with the flow state knows this. that allowing your brain options to escape your task will inevitably lead to losing your thought process. your brain wants to do the least possible and reap the most reward. if you want to focus, you can’t let the automatic mind control happen. you need to remove the causes so that the conditioning doesn’t begin.

should you care?

it depends on whether the task at hand is actually important to you. if you want to be able to switch on the best version of yourself, it requires at least this level of discipline. even thinking of wanting to pull out your phone or switching tabs to reddit while working is enough to hamper your best self. it takes real grit to get through that in this digital age.

Light a fire

Wed, 15 Apr 2026 00:00:00 +0000

it hurts to feel stagnant, to constantly put the things you want to do aside. this is not talking about prioritizing the things that are important to you, this is about how laziness and sloth can affect your goals and aspirations.

set yourself ablaze

somehow, you need to light a fire under your ass. but only for the shit that you actually care about. if you don’t end up doing it even after the fire has been lit, clearly you either don’t care enough about it, or you need to fix the approach.

Clear comms relationship

Wed, 07 Jan 2026 00:00:00 +0000

disclaimer - this is applicable only to high elo relationships, meaning you have to have a bit of prior dating experience before this method shines.

end game love

everyone wants a fulfilling relationship.

it is a fundamental human desire, but the problem is many of us let other emotions impede progress to achieving that goal; whether that be from ego, addictions, or lack of initiative. i’m oversimplifying by lumping everything into those categories but i think it covers the majority of relationship failings. regardless, how do we maintain focus on the main objective - saving the princess imprisoned in the castle, leading to an everlasting relationship?

pipe dreams

did mario ever try sitting bowser down and talking it out? talking clearly and effectively can solve many issues in the real world. of course many harbor hidden agendas or unreasonable expectations, so at times an unstoppable force meets an immovable object and we are forced to step back and call it quits.

but what if both sides agreed to be neither?

forced symbiosis

if both parties agree to communicating wholeheartedly and follow through - you did it, mission complete. a mutual understanding is present and all arguments are temporary, because in the end the objective is the same. long term companionship.

tough to swallow?

this might sound completely idealized based on your life experiences. if that is the case, you either do not have enough relationship experience, or you haven’t self reflected enough. it is up to you to swallow this red heart shaped pill.

terraforming the future

this does not mean it will always be smooth sailing. there will be times where you question yourself, your partner, or have arguments that will hurt one of you.

it is inevitable. if you can weather through the waves and make sure it is not a pattern, you are preparing the bedrock that hardens your future together.

here is the tragic part… the starting line is ambiguous.

the partner meant for you won’t reveal themselves predictably. it will be when you least expect it, but you will have needed to adopt this strategy to whip out at the beginning of the game. put yourself out there with the best head on your set of shoulders and find someone who multiplies your life enjoyment. it is a low win-rate battle with a chance of having two happy winners.

How mmo's taught me to approach life goals

Sat, 09 Aug 2025 00:00:00 +0000

so you think to yourself, i really want to become better at <insert hobby here> and the thought by itself begins to enamor you. you think about the result, how knowing how to play the piano would let you play your favorite songs, or how being an excellent cook would let you impress your family and friends with yummy dishes - all of this thought into the end result and no serious consideration put into the process.

analysis paralysis

maybe you do even put some thought into the how, researching the most optimal way to learn and practice, looking up reviews of the best rated equipment, only for this initial energy to become the only actual instance of effort and avoiding the hard part: consistency.

rise and shine

you can read a million self help books but the underlying theme for growth is going to be to show up and do a little every day. nothing in life is a marathon, and if you treat it like so then you will fizzle out and fail to get things you care about done. some people are unicorns with this ability to burn at max capacity and never stop, but for us with default stats this is certainly not the case.

duh

yea, this might be the millionth time you’ve heard that said before. even if you know how to do something that doesn’t mean you can actually follow through with it. so what’s the secret sauce? is there even one?

gamification

ever played world of warcraft? runescape? any of those MMO’s that suck the life out of you by locking your dopamine in a digital cage that you poke with a stick for entertainment? if you haven’t, just know that its a game that preys on repeated hits of satisfaction to keep you hooked. by examining the formula behind MMO’s, you too can lock yourself in a cage but for a greater good.

dailies

why does the daily grind of playing these games feel so satisfying? people have different opinions on this, but for me it’s because we love to see the small gains. our character inching stronger to the theoretical max. why just this character? why not focus on your real life character’s dailies? have a dirty room? you don’t need to get it all done in one day - get a section done and celebrate. you just hit the +5 cleanliness experience orb, and are on your way to maxing the stat.

is it that simple?

when you think of someone organized, you think of a person who constantly manages their stuff, in other words, gets their dailies done without fail. if you do a little no matter what every day, even when you feel least like doing it, then bam, you are somehow a mystical creature and people would consider you highly motivated individual. in reality, motivation is a noob trap, its better to look at things as small goals that stack towards a bigger one.

identity

there is a bit of a fine print for this method though. you need to be able to see yourself as a person who does that thing as part of your core identity. if you start believing, yea, im a studious person, then its much easier to align yourself to put up with the plan to begin with and stick with it. this is not necessary at the beginning of your character’s build, but it’s certainly required along the way. even if you say out loud the opposite to be humble, deep down you gotta really believe it.

“but im lazy”

so am i. everyone is. i just personally found the path of least resistance while also being able to progress is through gamifying everything. nobody is truly happy after playing 12 hours of an MMO and notice barely any improvement, but months later when the fruits of your labor finally let you kill that boss or get that promotion, the feeling is bliss.

Selfish hermit

Thu, 20 Jun 2024 00:00:00 +0000

i have a massive problem - deep down i want to become a hermit. socially, a recluse from society, at all times.

this desire has existed in me for a while, and yet i know its not healthy nor ok. but let me ask you this; if you felt the same, what would you do?

conflicted

i’ve tried going against the grain of this feeling, and yet i always come back thinking, “no, i’m pretty sure i’m right.” id go out of my comfort zone to do a variety of things. from going to bars, or trying things that should be left out of my public blog; attempting to be spontaneous so much so that it’s made me confident of my inner hermit construction.

this might not be a problem in the eyes of many (mine included) but there’s another issue related to it that inspired me to write this blog post, and that is

friendship power

no, not that stuff in anime that lets the main character win a losing battle. i’m talking about the strength of my friendships when all i want to do is be a recluse.

it’s strange because i’m not exactly socially inept, i can hold conversation and be enjoyable to be around (subjective). but having good friends that last a while, thats tough for me. its hard because i barely want to interact with said friends.

i imagine this is where anyone reading this post becomes confused, and thinks there might be more to explain, but there really isn’t. i just don’t want to talk to my friends except for once every few months.

shellf-reflection

i know this is selfish. i feel bad that my friends don’t like that i’m reclusive. but its my inner workings, so what’s the alternative? attempting to control a separate me that wants to hang out on the weekends?

compromise

however i’ve come to the conclusion recently from talking with a friend that keeping my friends distanced like this is really unfair, and that i should force myself to spend time with friends i care about at least once a month. this makes sense, and is definitely the mature decision that helps my friends understand that i don’t hate them. it really is the simple solution, and i just need to act more responsibly.

what about you?

if you felt the way i did and just wanted to crawl into an attic space and live there assuming you had good download speeds, then how would you deal about having people you care about?

maybe become an astronaut? to me that sounds wonderful

(short post but wanted to write about it!)

Procrastination's tentacles

Fri, 14 Jun 2024 00:00:00 +0000

im what everyone jokingly calls themselves, a terrible procrastinator. im not saying im different from said people, but i certainly deal with it worse than most.

origins

perhaps… middle school? the fact of the matter is it doesn’t matter how it started, but when. i got hooked early on the sweet alluring tactic, and it took me for a ride all throughout my teens and early twenties. the worst part about this ailment is that it’s adaptive, meaning it will retract its tentacles just in time for major life events to be completed in a rushed, haphazardly fashion.

an example of this is in college, when i learned i could pull an all nighter instead of studying late for any exam. it became my favorite strategy for doing oh so average in classes i actually cared about.

result

here i am, with a bunch of things i have and want to do and yet i don’t. when it comes to deadlines, i actually prefer them, since at least the pressure of time will force me to act. so when there isn’t something with a deadline that i’d like to do, such as learning a new hobby or finishing a book, my instincts turn me away. there’s no big scary consequence if i don’t do that, so why should i even try?

i’ve tried a whole assortment of cures to fix my vice, and i’d like to share my experiences with them.

self improvement books

these help… to a degree. i think the cutoff of helpfulness was probably the 3rd book. reading the top recommended couple of books in the category gives you enough material to work with, and so any more than that is just over analysis of an issue. instead, you should work on the things that made you want to read those books.

journaling

i thought for sure this would help me more than it did, but i would just end up spewing my trails of thought onto the screen of my iphone. i would come to fully understand my issues by writing them out, but whats the point in knowing the problem and not actually tackling them? i gained nothing except a record of my internal voice.

lifestyle changes

eating better, working out, the whole shebang; they were like a healthy smokescreen. my main problem when it comes to procrastinating is that i will hone in on a specific thing to do and obsess over it for a period of time instead of doing what i actually have to do. thus when i’m in the mood to lose weight or exercise avidly, it comes at the expense of my main desires. when i come back to reality, i’ve done nothing but convince myself i was being productive by being good to my body.

what works for me

environment changes. there’s a good reason why inside of every starbucks there are at least 5 people trying to get work done. the shared atmosphere of people doing the things they care about is great for moral.

no zero days. if you think it’s too late to get something done, don’t fear! just do a little bit of that task you were reluctant to start. at the very least you progressed somewhat, that’s better than doing nothing at all. surprisingly this habit can start to gain traction and you become a natural at doing a few things you thought were difficult per day without fail.

conclusion

figure out what works and doesn’t work for you. the best thing you can do is realize that big changes won’t happen overnight. adopting small habits and learning what scenarios you thrive in is vital.

this post may come across as self deprecating, but thats not at all what i wish for. i’m more trying to explain the reality of why i act like so.

all in all i wish for greener grass to those who stumbled onto this digital pasture and i hope you can learn to control the vice i suck at dealing with.

Departure

Thu, 13 Jun 2024 00:00:00 +0000

well, this is going to be strange.

i used to journal a lot in my notes app on iphone, however i stopped after a while because typing on the phone was annoying. also i ran out of things to worry about. it became a thing i turned to if i ever needed to sort out my thoughts on an issue. though, looking back, it really was a helpful outlet for me, thus i am trying out this public type of blog instead (though i’m not sure who would even manage to find the link to this site…).

anyhow, i’m looking forward to writing more!